nilgai and six years of writing
Rajasthan, imperfections, forests in the middle of cities, the journey, the breaking of hearts, podcasts, and large thalis
Dear Reader,
Thank you for joining me. I hope the week has been good to you.
As I said in the last newsletter, hope is keeping me filled. And a lot of fish, Goan fish.
From my long road journey from my parent’s home in North India to now in Goa, I have many stories to share.
After home, my partner and I stopped in Jaipur for a few days. From there, we visited Ranthambore National Park, about four hours drive from Jaipur city. Kota city was our next one-day stop. Then while halting for the night in the small town of Rajgarh and then Bhopal, we arrived in Nagpur for a friend’s wedding. From Nagpur, we traveled to Satpura Tiger Reserve, and then via Amravati and Osmanabad, we arrived in Goa, finally.
All of these places are maybe just names for you. Perhaps you know these destinations. I’m hoping that through my stories these cities and towns could be more than just spellings to someone.
For now, I have an interesting incident to share from Jaipur.
On a Sunday, that my partner and I spent in a Jaipur cafe drinking cappuccino, eating local treats, and laying back in our chairs, we decided to stay for a few more days in the city. We wanted to meet a friend of mine who was refusing to see us. He said he was not available and would be with us the next time.
I would have given up on him if he was any other friend. But this was my best friend from college whom I hadn’t seen for ten years. My partner suggested we stay in Jaipur and that with in the next few days, he would hopefully catch up with us.
We booked a room in a guesthouse for a day, and then extended it for three more days. The guest rooms were in a large independent house of an army family. In four days, we lived in two different rooms, one of which was tiny and suffocating and the other one was bigger and airy.
No matter where we stood in the house, shiny blue peacocks walked all around us. I looked at them peck the grass for hours.
just right outside our room
thats a peacock pecking from our car
that's a peacock on our car
Except that first cappuccino Sunday, my partner was working. So we would eat breakfast, walk in the house or around the neighborhood a bit, and then he would sit to work. I would rest or write. There was also this little caveat that the owner had banged into our parked car so we were taking it to the service station he had recommended, coordinating and bargaining with the service guys, and making sure the repairs were done in the two days beyond which we had to leave Jaipur.
It’s not a good feeling seeing your car damaged like that, and when you get it back from service, you realise the scratches cannot be fixed perfectly. Some of the dents could still be seen as tiny cracks and the headlight has been put in but the misalignments are visible to even our naked eye. What could we do! The service guy said that was the best he could do.
Long story short, our car has some damage history now.
My friend didn’t meet us.
Amidst all of this, on two of the working days, one day we went to Central Park, and on another we took an auto-rickshaw to Smriti Van, a forest in the middle of the city.
Smriti van forest, Jaipur
Often my partner and I, irrespective of whether we are working or not, go to a park or another green area. He sits with his laptop or walks around taking calls. I can always adjust my work timings, so I mostly stroll around, or write on paper and pen or on laptop. As I once shared from the Himalayas, I focus better in the jungle.
This time, in Smriti Van, I was not writing or working. I had just spent two weeks at my mother’s house. I had just sent my big project.
I didn’t need a walking tour. I didn’t need music. I didn’t need food.
What I needed was the green, the free hours, and some ground to tread upon.
My partner perched under a tree on an almost hidden bench around which roamed bees and ants and a curious mongoose. Squirrels were nibbling on golden corn kernels left near us. I even touched the tail of one before she ran up.
Then, from the bench, I put on my bag and walked further on.
The earth was red, the ground dipped down into forested canyons, and the jungle was pretty quiet at that time of the day. Sun shone down in yellow blindness. Water sprinklers were on, peacocks were grazing and pecking, and the grey-yellow partridges were resting on the branches.
But soon enough, I arrived near my partner’s bench again. I had gone around a circle.
Upon crossing him, beyond a grassy sitting area with benches, I found a trail further into the forest.
I was intrigued.
Where could this one lead me to?
The Forest officials signboards that the forest is home to leopards caught my attention but didn’t deter me.
Straight on the trail, I went. And then an animal came down from a higher slope onto my ground level. It stood behind some trees, about fifteen feet away from me. It stumbled when it noticed me and then stood alert with his ears taut.
The animal was not a cow. It looked like a huge deer. It was not sambhar deer either.
Then what was it? The deer-like big animal shined gray and blue in the afternoon sun. I am aware of nilgais: the largest antelope in Asia. I had heard nilgai stories from my family. Instead of the spotted or sambhar deer, somehow nilgai was mentioned more frequently in my parent’s house while I was growing up.
Why? I don’t know. Were those stories of my mother’s village in the foothills of the Himalayas? I still have to ask her.
What I do know is that nilgais were once common in India. In fact, my Rajasthani friends told me nilgais are commonly found in Rajasthan. Having said that, let me tell you I saw only one nilgai herd in Ranthambore National Park which was about four hours from Jaipur.
Are nilgais still that ubiquitous in Rajasthan?
Who knows! But within minutes, I knew the animal was a nilgai.
He—it was a male because it had the horns—saw me, and I saw him. For a few minutes, I just stared at the animal, and it stared back. I was ensuring it didn’t run right at me considering me a danger. I even looked around at the trees I could climb. He was making sure I wouldn’t hurt him. When I walked ahead, it walked away from me. I could still see it. Then further I went, it ran backwards.
In a spot where I could see the nilgai clearly, I admired its largeness, its taut horns, that smooth-shiny grey-blue skin, its perfection, and its alertness and the will to live. Then as I tried to take the phone out of my skirt pocket to photograph him, the nilgai took to a trot. I wasn’t sure how the antelope would react to the phone, but for sure, it was scared of it. And when it ran, I was scared that it would come barging into me, its horns piercing through me.
The animal had clearly hoped that I would pass. But I was so enchanted by him that I couldn’t move. I had to stare at it. And in those moments, I was blessed.
Both of us, alone. Looking at each other. In the wild, figuring out if the other was a danger. The afternoon sun streamed down through a web of thousands of long, dry, sinewy branches. The crumbly earth under our feet was eager for the sun to set so that it could breathe.
Time had stopped. I was overwhelmed. And even though I couldn’t believe my luck, I knew that those moments were just mine and that I had seen something I wasn’t supposed to see.
No matter what anyone said, that chance encounter with a blue nilgai, standing close by, curiously watching me, made the whole Jaipur trip worth while.
Then, that was more than enough.
I saw the nilgai on the right hand side of this path
You know this randomly heading out in the day to walk, to a forest, not knowing the direction or the time you would be in it for, unsure of what to expect, in fact, being ready to come across anything, this reminded me of my writing journey.
I have completed, or to say my blog has completed, six years. It is six years old now. This newsletter is five and a half. So for six years, more than half a decade, I have been writing full-time.
I haven’t had the time to send a thank you post on the sixth anniversary, but, between you and me, the journey does feel like a wild walk. So far I couldn’t plan any of it. What I thought hasn’t happened. What I didn’t think of has come to pass. And going ahead, the path seems to be planning its own curves and shadows and surprises.
I am okay with all of that.
I trust the system. It may have surprised me, shocked me, scared me, but it has never hurt me. Nothing has come barging into me with horns.
This six years of writing has been more than enough. All the countless days and nights and hours when I wrote from jungles, cities, parks, villages, canyons, mountains, sea, and islands. When I woke up at five, slept at whatever hour, gave up everything to write. Friends, family, food. Leisure, television, noise, social media. Big cars, houses, gadgets. All of that has been taken over by writing.
And I tell you these hours of hard work have been more than enough.
Completing a big project or seeing this newsletter come to its narrative, those are moments that are blessed, that are just mine, that are wild.
How much is there to do, how much is there to see, and that is life.
the thickets of that forest
there is a sun up ahead
I hope you all have been well.
What are some of your blessed moments?
For this week’s letter,
Some of my past writing,
quotes I love,
things to read,
things to watch,
and
travel tips.
I’m still a couple of days away from writing new pieces. Until then,
These Two Past Articles,
27 Hopeful Photos From 2022 That Show Nature Defy Climate Change
While the climate crisis is here, the nature leftover in the corners it is squeezed into is as real, extraordinary, and soul-warming as ever. Hoping to inspire love through this post.
See the photos now. Or Pocket them for later.
Why Getting Dumped Could Be Good For You (Real Story)
Getting dumped isn’t the end of the world. The silver line of a breakup (first only faintly visible) is we get to feel and smoothen out the rough curves of our personalities.
In this essay, I talk about my first love and my first break up. Though that first love seemed like my last, time proved me wrong. That love couldn’t be my last for I am still learning the secrets of a happy relationship. Looking back into the broken shards of the relationship, I also see how scattered a human being I was.
Look at the article now. Or Pocket the inspiration for later.
Quotes I Love
“Most people learn nothing from experience, except confirmation of their prejudices.”
Bertrand Russell
“Hurting someone and expecting them to move on like nothing has happened is emotional neglect.”
Dr. Nicole LePera as taken from her Twitter
“I just try to walk my own path. You have to believe in yourself and you have to ride out the seasons. Everybody wants it to be summer all the time, in relationships and with their career. And when the weather starts to turn, they think they better get out. So it takes a certain amount of persistence.”
Tom Waits
“During any prolonged activity one tends to forget original intentions.”
J.L. Carr
“Government can make you feel so small and mean that it takes some doing to build back a sense of self-importance.”
John Steinbeck. Travels with Charley in Search of America
When I can’t understand myself, I sit and listen. Paused, mostly I can streamline my thoughts, know why I feel the way I do, and what should be my course of action. Just doing nothing is one of our most natural states to be in. I would respect and appreciate it more.
Yours Truly
What I’ve Been Reading
I’ve been reading short stories, books, articles, and so much more. I can’t possibly list all what I have read in the past week so I’m putting down the things I found most relevant and worthwhile.
I will finish the books I have been reading and share them with you the next week.
What I’ve Been Watching/Listening
that’s worth mentioning
I have seen and listened to
Radiolabs Episodes:
Little Black Holes Everywhere — Ideas on how one of the largest extraterrestrial event could have been caused by a teeny-tiny black hole.
Corpse Demon — The mysteries of the burial practices of the Persian religion Zoroastrianism and how it led to the discovery of the horrible chain reactions our simple actions can cause.
And for all adventure lovers!
Sharing some of the latest pictures from the travels.
police horses right behind the guesthouse in Jaipur and the Nahargarh fort in the background
this one was scratching his back against the tree
jowar roti (sorgum millet, one of India’s ancient staple), paneer, spicy chilly garlic chutney in Jaipur
in the Jaipur Central Park
a Rajasthani thali we enjoyed. Lentils, spicy garlic chutney, green chillies, jaggery sweet, rice, and the dense round balls in between are batis. They are made with wheat dough and traditionally baked in clay ovens. Then they are dipped in ghee and eaten with a lot of lentils, dal as we call it. yum yum.
Rajasthani woman attending a Ganesh festival outside of Ranthambore National Park
the backside of our car. winter and additional clothes in the suitcase, utensils, spices, bedding, shoes, water for the car, games, books. That’s about it.
nature and history at Rajgarh, a small town in Madhya Pradesh. Here you see the ancient palace, behind a tree
fish thali in Goa. These are keeping me filled.
Thank you for reading.
I hope you have a happy and easy Sunday :)
Let me know what you think about this letter. Press reply.
Yours,
Priyanka
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