Looking Inwards #5
Recap of 2021, hesitation to celebrate, facing fears, simple routines, resolutions for 2022, incremental growth, letting go, Afghanistan, climate change, art, travel, and every month of the last year.
Hi there!
Thank you for joining me.
Happy New Year to you all. I hope you have a great 2022 full of peace, love, growth, and harmony.
(Before I start with the narration let me tell you I’m sending this newsletter for the past week. I didn’t send it on Sunday because I was still absorbing the change of the year and my thoughts on it (now in a piece below). Expect the newsletter for this week by Sunday or on the coming Monday.)
I cannot believe 2021 is over. We were recently cheering the end of 2020: the year that marked sickness, unprecedented loss, heart-choking grief, unemployment, loneliness, and lives put on hold. I feel we had just closed our eyes, and we opened them to find ourselves saying goodbye to 2021 too.
I blinked, and we are now in January. I progressed in most planned projects but could only finish some of them. Maybe, the incomplete projects are stopping me from feeling proud or justified to celebrate the past year.
Also, until recently, I used to think the change of years doesn’t matter. I didn’t like celebrating my birthday either. I thought making birthdays a thing is overindulging oneself. That only narcissists value kitsch occasions like birthdays.
Maybe I felt pretentious celebrating a birthday because we didn’t have cakes or balloons on our special day even when we were little. My parents had lived simple lives. My grandparents didn’t even remember my parents’ birthdays — each one amongst seven and ten kids.
Why should I celebrate the day I was born? This question hit me so hard every time September approached that I left the city with my then partner to somewhere green. Sure enough, we celebrated the day with cake and drinks and had a nice time. But I was okay to be self-occupied only around my partner.
My present partner was the first person who told me birthdays are important. He said every birthday marks another year well-lived. That we are alive is enough to celebrate our existence.
And I’m happy to agree with him. Today, being alive is the highest privilege. Or being able to go to your parents’ house when you like. Or listening to your friends and family over the phone and knowing they are fine.
So even though I couldn’t do all that I had wanted to, I was looking forward to New Year’s Eve. Like last year, this year, too, my partner and I celebrated the new year in peace. We went out for dinner, brought eggless cookies, and returned to watch a movie in our forest cabin in Auroville (a green community of its kind about which you will know more soon). We kissed at 12 and fell asleep soon enough.
The next morning we were up before 8. We sat in the garden with two cups of hot ginger tea and talked in the sun for hours. After a nap and a head massage, we showered in the open under the trees in cold water. This forest ritual was followed by a drive to the market and a cup of tea.
We walked around in Auroville. Then I drove my rented moped on dark and sodden narrow mud roads to collect fresh prawns from the delivery boy at a suitable landmark. Afterward, we put some music on and cooked prawns masala and rice. We ate the delicious meal with chips while watching Money Heist.
And that was more or less the routine we followed the next day, too. Simple and easy, that’s what I like.
Now I’m sitting under this tall bamboo bush. While its leaves fall on me and sunlight creates patterns on my arms, I reflect on the last year and write.
For 2021 I had resolved to face my fears and move further through them. And I pushed myself hard.
I started driving in 2021. I bought a car even though big purchases make me feel pinned down to one place. I hiked through many unknown paths and rugged routes of the Himalayas. Even though I have had a horrible experience with some people, I visited them (for my partner’s sake). I submitted my writing to be critiqued by strangers, and I made my newsletter an independent entity. I also reached out to friends long lost when I wasn’t sure if they even needed me.
Though not everything I mentioned above frightened me, many things made me uncomfortable. And putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations is one of the fastest ways to grow. I’m happy.
Are you content with the year gone? What was your resolution for 2021?
You know even if you couldn’t achieve what all you had hoped for, you can still be happy for just making it through 2021. Just being takes all that we have.
For this week’s letter,
Some of my writing,
quotes I love,
things to read,
things to watch,
and
travel tips.
Articles of the Week
Reflecting on 2021 and Why I Choose Awareness, Confidence, and Non-Reaction as the Key to 2022
What I look forward to in 2022
Planning long term makes me anxious, especially given the number of things I want to do. I doubt myself even if I’ve been successful in the past in the same areas. I get hurt easily when people are rude to me.
Alain de Botton says if we aren’t praised for being who we are in our childhood, we try to reassure ourselves in every contemporary situation. So if someone disrespects us, we find our fault. Or if we fail, we rush to blame ourselves. A broken relationship surely means we must be the worst human being on the planet.
I’ve often found myself approving or disapproving myself in daily situations. Even though I’ve achieved most things I set my mind on, I doubt myself all the time.
It doesn’t have to be so. We don’t have to establish every minute of every day that we deserve to be where we are.
So I’ve decided to take this year day by day with confidence. I’ll remind myself I can do anything with practice and patience. I will do the best I can every day. Not thinking too far ahead. Not thinking too far behind. Not undermining myself all the time. Not doubting my capabilities. (Pocket)
PS: I’ve shared part of the reflections on 2021 in the beginning of the letter.
23 Small Habits to Build the Life You Deserve: Incremental Growth (An Older Piece to Get You Started with 2022)
Some of our old and new habits, that run at least forty percent of our daily life on an automated mode, need a larger chunk of time than we have. But in spite of how heavy some of these practices sound, they all need a starting point that could just be a few minutes.
You won’t see immediate results when you start tiny. To continue and succeed, you will have to believe in what you know rather than what you see — something done regularly adds up to bring amazing results over time.
If we keep our head down and do our thing, soon enough, the universal amplifier — the magical time — will take over and roll us right into our goals.
Pocket for later Or Go Through the 23 Habits Here
Quotes I Love
“working toward our goal and simultaneously letting it go may seem paradoxical, but it is the fastest way to achieve what we want. letting go is not giving up; it is the graceful walk between continuing to put effort into making our preferred reality come true and not allowing our happiness to be controlled by something we do not have. if we remain attached, we tend to feel agitation or even misery. this creates tension in our being that blocks us from fulfilling our desires.” — Yung Pueblo
Once in the past, I asked a bird “In what way do you fly in this gravity of wickedness?” She responded, “Love lifts my wings.” —Hafiz
“One cannot exist with a heart torn in half between two loves, two decisions, or two worlds, because it will eventually break in two.” — Enjeela Ahmadi-Miller
“Others can guide, help, and teach us. But it is upto each one of us to be afraid or not to be afraid.” — Yours Truly
What I’ve Been Reading
I’ve been reading short stories, books, articles, and so much more. I can’t possibly list all what I have read in the past week so I’m putting down the things I found the most relevant and worthwhile.
The Broken Circle: A Memoir of Escaping Afghanistan by Enjeela Ahmadi-Miller
A poignant story told by a young narrator born in one of the important and rich families in Afghanistan. The journey takes us through the comfortable life of the narrator and her family, the disintegration of the family during the Afghan Civil war, and fleeing to India after the Russians had invaded Afghanistan. This book is a good read if you want to know what really happened in Afghanistan in the 1980s.
We had never eaten with our hands before, but when hunger claws at you till you think it is going to burst you open, it is not too hard to pick up the rice with your fingers and stuff it in your mouth.
Why we should read fiction by Christine Seifert
I’ve not written an article on the importance of reading fiction myself, but I finally found one that resonates with me and explains why I keep sharing short stories and fiction novels here in the letter.
When it comes to reading, we may be assuming that reading for knowledge is the best reason to pick up a book. Research, however, suggests that reading fiction may provide far more important benefits than nonfiction. For example, reading fiction predicts increased social acuity and a sharper ability to comprehend other people’s motivations. Reading nonfiction might certainly be valuable for collecting knowledge, it does little to develop EQ, a far more elusive goal.
Concerning climate change,
Art around the world,
An Art Exhibition of its Kind by Ganapati Hegde — Available on Kynkyny
Not merely documentative, Hegde’s flamboyant jungles carry a touch of fantasy and surrealism. The wilderness in his art is full of interesting minutiae and lavish and intricate patterns and textures, depicted in bold, uplifting blues, emerald green, scarlet and bright yellows and pinks.
While on the face of it, the narrative seems solely rooted in nature, a closer look reveals hidden layers of imagery and symbols laced into the paintings. The natural world seems to express Hegde’s inner state of being as exterior and interior geographies overlap in surprising ways. The real and the imagined often collide and the human world puts in the occasional appearance in a playful twist – such as laptops peeping out of the bushes in the jungle.
I love those paintings of the forest by Hegde. So colorful, vibrant, and full of life.
Look up: documenting the quirky art on the ceilings of Mumbai taxis — A Mumbai journalist documents the ceilings of Mumbai taxis, aka kali-peeli. You can see the colorful patterns Mumbai taxi owners have chosen for their taxi ceilings on the Instagram account: The Greater Bombay.
“Indians do love decorative elements like frills, motifs and images and tend to cover every surface with these. Maybe we suffer from what is termed as ‘horror vacui’ or the fear of empty spaces,” says Journalist Rachel Lopez.
For meaningful news about Rural India, go to People’s Archive of Rural India.
In travel,
Centre releases list of 90 potential eco-tourism sites, looks for a global eco-tourism destination — Indian government finally focusing on eco-tourism but who knows how much will change. Apologies for my pessimism. But two years ago when I visited Karnataka forest office to enquire about the hikes to some of the mountains I wanted to climb, the officers told me that the state eco-trails were coming up soon. All the destinations and tracks were to be monitored and managed by an eco-tourism community of the state. So far I’ve heard no updates.
Travel to India during Covid-19: What you need to know before you go (for international travelers coming to India)
New rules: you need an RT-PCR to travel to these Indian states, even if you are vaccinated (for domestic travel in India)
What I’ve Been Watching/Listening
I have stayed pretty offline for the last months as I’ve been mostly listening to the sounds of the jungle, ocean, and my own self (except watching Money Heist). Today I’m hearing the crows, birds, and the swooshing of the garden being swept.
But,
here’s a song I often listen to and it makes me dream. Enjoy.
And for all my Wanderlusters!
I’ve shared the travel experiences of the week in the 2021-2022 article above. You can find the relevant travel news in the reading bullets.
So I’m moving on to some travel pictures from the last year. Hope you enjoy these photos as much as I relished the moments.
a simple meal in Karnataka, January
one of my favorite days in my favorite park of Bangalore, February
an evening on the roads, March
dining table at my parent’s home. A place full of food and freshness. (I know the single plastic usage is high. But it all runs as per my father. ), April
writing from the hills, May
sunset over the Himalayas, June
I will share the next six months in the next week’s letter else the newsletter won’t fit in the email view (I think it already has overflowed though).
Thank you for reading. Happy new year again.
I hope you have a great week. Take good care of yourselves :)
Let me know what you think about this newsletter. Just press reply.
Yours,
Priyanka
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