Looking Inwards #13
forever friendships, wild orangutans, happy endings, Ukraine invasion, art, social media, forests on forests, the sound of wind, children's books, and simple living.
Hi there!
Thank you for joining me.
I hope you are doing well and that your week has been peaceful.
This week I wrote, read, cycled, went on farm tours, got my teeth cleaned, learned Tai Chi (or shall I say tried to learn), watched Animal Planet movies, spent time in forests, and cooked.
But my most favorite activity during the week was going on walks with friends and spending time with them. And even more special was when a college friend — who goes back 17-18 years — called me after perhaps 8-9 loooong years. We talked like we haven’t for a decade.
If we could we would have gone on talking whole night like we used to do when we studied together in Delhi. But first I was cycling to my Tai Chi class and then I was running for my dentist appointment.
With a disappointing class and clean teeth, I also had had a wave of joy spread over me. I spoke to my friend. I spoke to my friend. I was almost shouting. We couldn’t speak as much but I’m happy to get that free flowing conversation with one of my closest people again.
I seemed to have removed him from the list of my friends, whenever I made one mentally or on paper. Don’t think of me as a crazy person. But after you read how happy and healthy good relationships make you and that we should know how many close friends we have in how many close circles of trust, you do end up making a list sometimes, albeit incomplete.
That list of the closest to farthest circles of friends’ stays unfinished. But I realized how wrong I was to assume my friend didn’t care for me anymore, didn’t miss me, didn’t think of me, and had left me to be in this world without him. I didn’t include him in my list even though he hadn’t stopped being important to me all this while. I often thought of him. I asked mutual friends who still spoke to him how he was doing. I wondered why he didn’t call me or reply to my messages and calls. When I was in his city and I tried to meet him, he showed as if he would do anything else in this world rather than see me.
I was hurt but not angry. So when he called me I jumped up with joy and curiosity. A glimmer of hope peeping through a crack in the wall that the dense clouds will finally move apart and I will be soaked in his sweet voice and his love and the comfort a decades-long friendship brings bathed me.
Flying high with all the colors and flowers in my wings, I was at the top of the world. And it was at that moment he told me all his other friends are gone from his life but I’m the only one remaining. I’m remaining. I’m remaining.
And I realized how differently he thought of our friendship. To him, my absence hadn’t sent me away. Perhaps my messages that dotted his Whatsapp once every few years were enough to tell him I remembered him. But I didn’t even have a message from him. Not even one sent to the wrong chat window. My name just wasn’t there. Or so I thought. I had nothing to hold onto.
But I accept now, more than ever, that the absence of conversation may not necessarily mean absence of love. Let’s all remind ourselves this every day.
Even if I can’t speak with my friend (for reasons best left out of this letter), I’m happy he is there, he is fine, he is safe, and he thinks of me. I assured him even if he had called me ten years later telling me he missed me but couldn’t speak with me and can’t talk to me going ahead, I would still open my arms and take him in.
I feel truly rich, fortunate, and joyous to go on with this knowledge that he is still in my life and I’m still in his life. This knowledge has given me strength — more than we may imagine — to cruise on in this harsh world in our ever challenging lives.
And that’s enough. Isn’t it?
We exist in this world in our own parallel contrasting universes never realizing we were once part of the same bubble of love, part of the same compassion, two leaves on the same branch. And that hurts. That’s what hurts most of us and we never talk about it. We human beings keep on living in our urbane or rural rooms with windows looking out into the world or lost in music connecting with someone far away while never looking into the eyes of the person right in front of us. We alienate ourselves.
We don’t have to, you know. There could be a different way. I know it is hard. It is really hard to open up to someone. It is hard to smile at strangers because when they don’t smile back we feel we have been wronged and disrespected. It is hard to soften up because then the other person wants you to bend more. It is even hard to offer someone bananas or flowers because your hand of friendship can be looked at submissiveness. It is hard to stay in touch with friends because your calls are answered with a question, “hey, did you call?” Your poems sent by post aren’t ready to be received. Your “I love you’s”, though late but come nonetheless aren’t replied because people move on.
But we still try. Damn we try. Damn we try because if not for humans and rabbits and kingfishers and magpies and frogs and moss and starfishes and anemones, what is there?
Are you in touch with your most favorite humans?
For this week’s letter,
Some of my writing,
quotes I love,
things to read,
things to watch,
and
travel tips.
Past Articles I’ve Just Renewed
Why Relationships are Important and How to Build Them
I still have to edit this article to fix the glaring grammar mistakes and the gaps in the narrative that marked my earlier years of writing (not that I don’t make mistakes now.)
But because I was talking about friendships above, I felt this is a right moment to share this piece on the importance of relationships and how to connect with people.
Here’s an excerpt from the piece,
With my close people, I can share my goals, fears, successes, and dreams. A friend’s company or help is always a call away. They encourage me and give me perspective. They tell me the truth when I need it. Were all my plans and ideas always right? No. But I needed support while I walked the path, only to realize I was wrong.
I have made it, mostly, by being nice.
When Anne Frank, despite everything, can believe that people are really good at heart, so can you.
If someone drops her coins on the floor, you have to get down on your knees to pick them. Believe me, nothing bad comes out of goodness as long as you don’t let people run over you. You wouldn’t even realize but the same people would come back to glue the broken pieces of your life.
Click to read ideas on building relationships. Or Pocket for later.
Stalking Wild Orangutans on Kinabatangan River [For 2022]
Once upon a time, there was a long river muddy,
Along the bank of the river lived the mama elephant Lily,
On the top of a Jamun tree lived a monkey funky with a long nosey,
A naughty crocodile waited under the tree to see the monkey fall loosey.
A talkative hornbill nested in the tree,
While her friend the orange orangutan visited her often for tea,
The village children played on the riverbank every day,
while their mothers shouted to them come home, otherwise the monkey will take you away.
- A poem inspired by the life around the murky Kinabatangan river
Though I once noted down many reasons to visit Malaysia, I’m not linking that article here. I will only say Malaysia is one of the most unique country I’ve visited. It is rich and full of food, wildlife, and love.
Malaysia opens its international borders on April 1' 22. If you do muster the courage to travel in this new world where we need masks, vaccination certificates, and tests, please consider Malaysia over the more sought-after destinations. You won’t find the usual crowd there, and I’m sure many Malaysians who depend on tourism won’t be able to thank you enough.
While there, don't forget to go to the Kinabatangan river on the island of Borneo. You'll see orangutans, pygmy elephants, crocodiles, hornbills, and proboscis monkeys in the forests around Kinabatangan. More details in the memoir.
Read the full travelogue here or Pocket for later.
Quotes I Love
“Heroes know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen. A quest may not simply be abandoned; unicorns may go un-rescued for a long time, but not forever; a happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.”— Peter S. Beagle
"My success is no longer measured by the length of my resume, but rather by how I feel about the art that I create. While I do enjoy exhibiting, seeing my work published and meeting people who appreciate my art, this is an extra benefit of creating, but not success itself.
I believe that the best success is achieved internally, not externally." — Cole Thompson, a black and white photographer
“When it gets too much or when it doesn’t, just close your eyes and imagine everything as if you are seeing it for the first time.” — Yours Truly
What I’ve Been Reading
I’ve been reading short stories, books, articles, and so much more. I can’t possibly list all what I have read in the past week so I’m putting down the things I found most relevant and worthwhile.
Starting with the most important,
About the Ukrain invasion by Russia,
Some of the recent pieces that shed light on how poorly planned Russia is and what are Ukrainians doing in the face of the invasion
A disturbing photo on Twitter — Please only click and see if you can tolerate gore. The comments on this tweet resonate with me because I was constantly wondering why so many people are calling this invasion a war. In the last weeks’ newsletter, I had written war once by mistake. But everywhere else I said Russia has invaded Ukraine. Now I feel better to see many more people are calling out the invasion, an invasion, and not a war.
Ukraine swaps living soldiers for dead Russians — Russian soldiers are dying and a few bodies have been exchanged for live Ukrainians made war captives by Russia.
“No service cards, no dog tags, nothing. We don’t get it – did their commanders believe they would fight harder if left to die nameless?” — A Ukrainian soldier on not finding any identification information on a dead Russian soldier’s body.
God has left Mariupol’: diary entries chart horror of besieged city in Ukraine - Diary entries by Ukrainians making for a heart-wrenching read.
‘Some were too scared to leave’: the man who rescued 25 people from devastated Mariupol - Civilians in Mariupol who are living under a constant thunder of missiles and tanks are too scared to get out of their homes even to leave. They have let go and left everything on their destiny.
As I said the last time, The Print is also doing a great repertoire on the invasion and I’m watching Shekhar Gupta’s Cut the Clutter videos closely.
This week’s art,
Noah Verrier’s oil paintings of sandwiches, cheeses, and burgers have made me follow the artist in an instant (linked is Noah’s Twitter account)
I loved Cole Thompson’s black and white photographs. I found his work through John P. Weiss’s newsletter that I have often shared here. But more than his work, I loved Cole’s thoughts and ideas and this collection of quotes he has put up on his website.
Alex Ogle’s art is worth following (Instagram account)
A little on travel and culture,
Goa Beyond Beaches: The Shigmo Festival by Lakshmi Sharath - One of India’s most veteran travel writers write about a colorful, cultural festival of Goa that makes me want to be in the coastal town right now.
On social media and sharing,
Effective Social Media is Storytelling — For those who want to be active on social media, this is a good read. The article shows how quality matters on social platforms and the noise can be cut through storytelling.
I also loved Legal Nomad’s advice on Social Media, best tips, and case studies.
Jodi writes, and I resonate,
The goal here is to use social media to build a community that listens, not a community that reacts temporarily and then subsequently ignores information.
Don’t lose hope if you put out good content but think people are not reading. It takes time.
I know I have to share books on Kashmir I’ve read and all the children’s books I’m devouring. Soon.
What I’ve Been Watching/Listening
I’ve tuned into Radiolabs podcast again. This week I listened to their episode Forests on Forests which talk about finding soil as deep as three meters on tree canopies. My mind is blown. Do tune in.
And I’ve started watching David Attenborough: A Life on Our Planet
2020 documentary because I have to.
And for all my Wanderlusters!
Like last week, this week has been a pretty active one, too. My most memorable outings from this week are into the forests I ventured with my bicycle. When the wind rushes past my ears and as far as I see I only see trees, I feel at home no matter on which road or path I’m. And that feeling of a deep quiet is the one I end most of my days with.
What about you? How do you end your days?
Sharing a few pictures from the last week’s adventure below.
children’s books, or so they say. I’m devouring from the library nearby
another one.
superb local greens of Tamil Nadu.
Made drumsticks I plucked from the guesthouse tree with sundakkai (a local wild green), onions, and coconut. Ate with red rice, papaya thokku, and yogurt.
clicked on an organic farm visit.
a community kitchen here in Auroville. Wood-fired stoves aren’t only sustainable but the food is more nutritious and delicious. Have you tried?
bamboo huts patched together with coconut leaves
another children’s book even adults can enjoy. By Rupa Publications.
a weird photo of chilies. But I still like.
silver, grey, shiny. A forest plant.
Thank you for reading.
I hope your weekend is curious and refreshing. Take good care of yourselves :)
Let me know what you think about this newsletter. Just press reply.
Yours,
Priyanka
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