Looking Inwards #11
life goes on, pale blue dot, wars, Himalayas and Proust, human history, marine life, long-term travel problems, half of a yellow sun, and Pondicherry and Auroville in photos.
Hi there!
Thank you for joining me.
I hope you are doing well and that your week is going peacefully.
I had ended the last week’s letter by asking you if you ever feel out of control. I’m thankful for the replies that came and I hope more of you share how you feel.
I'm out of control all the time.
Juggling between chores, writing, relationships, discovery, and life. Unlearning the anger patterns I’ve noticed fuming in me on what they say are small things. Feeling abandoned (if not fully, partially) by my parents for not listening to me enough because I’m a girl and not supporting me enough because I chose a path they don’t understand. Absorbing the judgment from people that goes anything from “all-they-do-is-sit” to “they-have-so-much-yet-they-want-to-pluck-papayas.” Trying to comfort someone in a dark moment only to realize she sees me as an outsider, and a threat. Finally getting up to make tea to find the shelf empty and realizing we are out of milk.
Spoiled milk, that’s what life seems sometimes. More and more these days.
For two years we all have lived an uneven life. So many of us lost so much. We couldn't do what we had dreamt of doing. Even though a lot of us cried, adapted, and weaved new dreams, the pain of the lost ones still rises from our insides and make us shriek.
I don’t know about you but wherever I look I find people protecting themselves and clutching onto what’s left — more so after realizing we can't control anything. Some not letting even sixty rupees go, while others not ready to spare a hug. A woman pausing only at the sight of crisp notes. A middle-aged man singing out loud to himself many times in the day but not looking up to greet the one who has stopped to talk to him. A young woman pushing down those who have already relented. A well-built guy on a motorbike shouting at a car driver to slow down who is already slower than the one screaming.
No one seems to like the other person. Everyone is wary of everyone. And finding a listening ear or lending one is as rare as a Palaeolithic tool being excavated while digging a potato garden.
Perhaps I discover more ugliness because I put myself in strange landscapes and unfamiliar cultures more often than those who stay put.
When you are so foreign you have to look at most trees a second time to recognize them, you notice the taste of water every time you drink it, where getting to know each person is like extending that bite of friendship in kindergarten, and where no matter how many evenings you Google "sunrise time," you still forget it. When we are so new to a place, we notice its colors, fragrances, and sounds much more deeply. As if we are looking at those plants, foods, and living beings for the first time. Our senses and awareness are heightened to almost a level of discomfort.
Whenever I visit a place I hadn’t been to before, I first become uncomfortable. As I acquaint myself with the moringa trees in the backyard, know the schedule of the mongoose trio, and can tell when the lady in the cottage behind would make tea, I start discovering joy outside me and inside me. Those first few days of getting to know a place are like those first dates when everything surprises you and all you want to do is know more.
But soon as you wave hi to more people, walk effortlessly to the common dustbins to empty the trash, and forget to see a few sunrises, things start normalizing.
If we were in one home, we only had to know the same milkman, the usual fishermen, the same friends, the constant neighbors, and landlords rolling in to fill in the shoes of the previous one just the same. Perhaps we had a house of our own where the garbage collectors didn't mind knocking down our poinsettias no matter how many times we warned the team.
When we deal with the same people over the years, we get exposed to their worse limitations, and ours. But soon we also learn to go around our rough edges to reach the softer, milder inner depths.
But in a destination we are exploring, as things normalize, we notice what's lacking more deeply than what's not. Lack of control and human weaknesses mark our journey.
Then Mark Manson's Everything is F****d makes so much sense. And so does Camus' "every life is more or less the same." Nietzsche's “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” seems frightful because finally we appreciate it.
What rises falls.
Loneliness of every human being who holds too tightly gnaws at us. To know that in the end man stands alone is scary but liberating. To find someone you love missing is devastating but unchangeable.
Life goes on. Peacocks still dance, bridges are still built, and wars are still fought.
Maybe it is the wars raging the world that are throwing us out of sorts. There are just too many wars going on. Yet where the waters still seem calm, people live as if there is no end to life.
"How is it that the world keeps going, breathing in and out unchanged, while in my soul there is a permanent scattering." Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie writes in Notes on Grief while remembering her dead father.
I finished reading her novel the half of a yellow sun on the Nigerian-Biafran war a few hours ago. I didn't know what I was getting into when I picked up the book from my guesthouse library. I just read the name of the author and recollected reading something from her on grief recently in the pandemic. (if picking a war novel in these times from an author I recently discovered is not serendipity, like I talked in the last newsletter, then what is?)
Books on wars leave you with a melancholy, a feeling of loss, the acknowledgement that you are so small in the wide spectrum of things, that the millions lost can never be recovered, and so millions of hearts will stay broken.
Millions of hearts will stay broken. Yet every life would more or less be the same.
We go on engaging in wars as if they won't affect us. Even that one person on the throne who believes she won't be affected by the war she has unleashed isn't out of reach of the war. Even we far away feel the war in the air.
Meanwhile, life goes on on this pale blue dot.
Perhaps we are comforted by the knowledge that before we know the wind starts blowing the other way.
How does the war make you feel?
For this week’s letter,
Some of my writing,
quotes I love,
things to read,
things to watch,
and
travel tips.
Past Articles I’ve Just Renewed
Spiti Valley Images – Pictures No-One Puts On Instagram
Maroon-robed monks (mostly young) jumping on the swirling roads. Himalayan peaks standing tall and a river swiftly snaking in front of them. Icy summits with creamy Spitian villages in front. Selfies with Spitian women on the road. Key Monastery standing tall. Pictures in front of the dominant mountains. A few close-ups of flat-roofed Spiti homes.
We have seen all of the above Spiti images. But the more natural, unposed, and truthful Spiti valley photos don’t make it to Instagram. Perhaps the silence that envelops the stunning Spiti and the isolated Spitian life is too much to handle even in pictures.
In these 63 Spiti Valley pictures, I’ve tried to show a little bit of the struggle and the beauty of Spitian life. Hope you enjoy the photographs.
Click to see the full photo essay of Spiti. Or Pocket for later.
Spiti Valley – Not Your Usual Travel Destination
In this Spiti valley travel blog, we will see Spiti is one of the most bizarre and gorgeous places on this planet. The altitude of Spiti is at least 4,000 meters even in the lowest parts of the valley. And don’t forget that Spiti is a Himalayan valley. The high altitude and the Himalayas make Spiti a unique place to live.
Read the full narrative here or Pocket for later.
42 Handpicked Marcel Proust Quotes On Habits, Love, Desire, Misery, Memory, and Little Joys
These hand-collected Marcel Proust quotes tell us our griefs aren’t unique, that we aren’t the only ones miserable and despondent in love, that our minds and memories play tricks on us all, and that habits anchor us to the known. These collected words also emphasize the everlasting joy that nature brings, prove we all lie to ourselves, highlight the illusion of power, and tenderly sympathize with us for bearing the mundaneness of acceptance.
Hope you enjoy these words pulled from the depths of Proust’s consciousness.
Read the full inspiration here or Pocket for later.
43 Times When Proust Blew Our Minds With His Understanding of Human Composition (In Search of Lost Time Vol 1)
“But at the simple, realist point of view, the land we’re desiring occupies a greater place in our life at any given moment than does the land in which we presently find ourselves.”
Proust
No matter how late to the party, I feel fortunate to finally discover Proust in all his abundant vulnerability, passion, tenderness, anxiety, and vigor. I’ve benefited from his writing and understanding of human emotions as much as I have gained from Rabindranath Tagore (Gora specifically) and Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina), and now the three join hands as my teachers on human complexities and realistic writing. (These two are part of the list of books that changed how I think about life.)
Hope you devour these wholesome grains of wisdom as vigorously as I did.
Read the compositions here or Pocket for later.
Quotes I Love
“You go away for a long time and return a different person - you never come all the way back.” — Paul Theroux
“Where is my pen?” — Sarah Bernhardt, after just waking up from a coma
“The habit of despair is worse than despair itself.” — Albert Camus
“How much there is in art that is beautiful, if only one can remember what one has seen, one is never empty or truly lonely, and never alone.” — Vincent
“I know I need to love more.” — Yours Truly
What I’ve Been Reading
I’ve been reading short stories, books, articles, and so much more. I can’t possibly list all what I have read in the past week so I’m putting down the things I found the most relevant and worthwhile.
Starting with the most important,
Celebrating the win of BJP in UP, are we? - First read the linked Newslaundry piece on BJP’s social media warriors.
In India we are told to be positive, talk positive, feel positive, and smile as long as we are alive in the end - how we were jostled throughout the journey doesn’t matter. Life is dispensable.
On people working hard,
What stood out the most for me,
I'm used to waking up at dawn to tend the sheep. I work 365 days per year, zero holidays. I know no Christmas nor New Year's Eve, because even during festivities, my herds need to eat and be looked after.
The local shepherdess Agnes Garrone, 25
on human history,
Who are we?
It's the first time archaeologists have found evidence of alternating groups of Homo sapiens and Neanderthals living in the same place, and they rotated rapidly, even abruptly, at least twice, according to the study that published in the journal Science Advances on Wednesday.
on sustainability and the climate crisis,
88% percent. Let that sink in.
The report found that the fossil-fuel derived substance "has reached every part of the ocean, from the sea surface to the deep ocean floor, from the poles to coastlines of the most remote islands and is detectable in the smallest plankton up to the largest whale."
Every time the tide recedes, it’s a new world’: Mumbai’s marine life revealed by Kalpana Sunder. Photographs by Sarang Naik
In this attempt of sea life enthusiasts who are documenting Mumbai’s coast life, I found everything from glowing corals, octopuses, sea sponges, sea slugs, to algaes, each more beautiful than the previous one.
“Most of my images have the creatures against the city in the background, reminding us that these creatures have been here way before us,” says the photographer Naik. “Even after three years of taking these shore walks, I am often blown away by the sight of some new coral or rare species. You don’t expect this kind of biodiversity in this concrete jungle.”
Some marine life accounts I follow to help conserve and be a little conscious of the sea-life I consume, as long as I consume,
Kuddlelifefoundation — Dedicated to conserve, restore and manage the marine eco-system in Indian coastal regions by finding and executing sustainable solutions.
So much I didn’t know about marine and other lives, I’ve learned from here.
KnowYourFish — An ocean friendly seafood initiative for India's West coast.
InSeasonFish — Promoting India's seafood diversity, sustainable fishes and healthy oceans, one bite at a time
The above two accounts are kind enough to try to create a healthy relationship between the humans and the ocean, that was once our home.
On another war,
Burma’s Elected leader Aung San Suu Kyi has been jailed after what her supporters say are show trials — There have been mass protests, armed resistance and mass killings in Myanmar since the military seized control a year ago.
Peace was so temporary in Burma, a country where people rise with the sun and smile all day long while working hard on the streets just to make the ends meet. Of course this is an outsider’s view, but I’ve found fewer people more compassionate than the Burmese.
On travel, and reading someone else’s words to correlate why I travel too,
That travel is itself an instruction is undeniable, but the depth of learning is contingent upon how much a traveler wants to soak in. I still see travel as one of the most intense, effective ways to educate myself; I accentuate this by reading up on the history of a place before I hit its shores and by doing my utmost to understand the culture, people and food when I arrive.
Books I read,
Village by the Sea by Anita Desai — Set on the shores of a village by the sea, this book tells all about the desires and struggles of human beings and how we go about managing them. I enjoyed the book and recommend it.
Half of a yellow sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie — I’ve spoken about the book above. Read this one if you are curious about the world’s history, want to understand the impact of wars, or just want to know more about those far away from us.
and many many children’s books I will tell you all about the next week.
What I’ve Been Watching/Listening
The movie Okja — A satire on human greed, capitalism, the present food culture, and our uncaring attitude. The movie is set around a beautiful girl and her even more beautiful pig who both grow up in the vast Korean mountains. Though some parts felt extended, I loved the movie.
And for all my Wanderlusters!
A few more photos from the last few weeks in and around Pondicherry and Auroville.
A Malaysian fish okra curry a Chennai restaurant owner in Pondicherry made for us on my one request.
Celebrating Auroville’s 50 years with many others. This is the famous Matrimandir of Auroville where a bonfire and meditation was arranged pre-dawn on the anniversary. No one was supposed to click pictures. But when I saw cameras of the community going click-click, I took one photo too. Just for the colors and warmth of that fire.
tapioca chips made fresh by a woman on a street side kiosk. I took 200 grams and didn’t regret.
Isn’t Sushi an art? At Sakura Sushi.
a simple Pondicherry home.
people make their homes simple, but temples exquisite. a place of faith, colors, and care.
my cottage, or once was
Wind in her hair. Pondicherry. Bay of Bengal.
Thank you for reading.
I hope your weekend is refreshing. Take good care of yourselves :)
Let me know what you think about this newsletter. Just press reply.
Yours,
Priyanka
Some housekeeping… This email may end up up in the Promotions tab of your inbox. If you don’t find the newsletter during the week, go to your Promotion tab and move this email to your Primary inbox. Looking Inwards letter will be in your inbox every week from then on.