blossoms
how I keep going, why I started writing the book, books and doors, reviews and reads, and some heartwarming pictures of the important things in life
Dear Reader,
Thank you for being here.
Some housekeeping… This email may end up in the Promotions tab of your inbox, or worse, spam. Please move the email to your Primary inbox. Looking Inwards letter will be there from then on.
The past few weeks since my first book Journeys Beyond and Within… launched have been crazy. Thank you all for supporting me, ordering the book, and sending such lovely and kind messages throughout. I couldn’t have done it without you.
The book is out on Amazon everywhere (here are all the Amazon links), and I hope all of you give it a chance. You won’t be disappointed, that’s my promise :-)
Now onto the letter.
One of the main reasons I go on writing — despite all the odds — is that I have to send this letter to 1400 people, that’s a lot of people, at least for me. Tens of thousands of subscribers are a dream. For now, I am happy. When I am feeling low, sick, burnt out, or if I am traveling, don’t have a routine, unsure of what to publish, can’t tell if my thoughts are taking a concrete shape, or my mind is scattered, I always think — hey, I’ve to send the newsletter. Sometimes I plonk down into the chair panicking. I have to write it today and publish it today. How will I do it? I don’t even have a theme.
I start scribbling quickly. The newsletter begins as a rough draft. I dump everything in here. Ideas, jokes, articles, videos, diary entries, pictures, reviews, quotes, travel stories. In this pot, the letter simmers. Then I start to edit it. I never know what shape the letter will take but after having sent it for close to seven years I know it will not stay shapeless.
Everything takes a form if you keep chiseling away.
Recently as my book came out, I was joyous to hear from so many of you. You said you enjoy the newsletter, you wait for it, it’s your biweekly long-form read, a much-needed respite from social media, you note down the various articles and information from it, how I write about nature inspires you to love nature and observe it, that it’s honest and real, and many more things.
But writing this letter is as hard as it was the first time. No. It is harder. I think my expectations with Looking Inwards have increased. A few years ago I could quickly put up a letter. Now I take hours and days.
That’s why I couldn’t send it last year for three months while finishing the book. That was the prime book editing time from which I moved into a journey into the Indian Himalayas where I trekked and breathed a bit while bringing the book to completion. That was when I got many emails and even now many of you tell me that you missed the newsletter. That made me sad. I was guilty. It was not I was not doing but I was doing so much that I didn’t have mental bandwidth for this particular piece of creation.
Moving from guilt to over-promising and to calculating the number of newsletters I have sent in the last few years I have done it all. When my calculation tells me that I have published two Looking Inwards on average every month since I moved to Substack (in December 2021), I’m content. The goal was to send it every week but I need to cut myself some slack for how much there was to do apart from this letter.
Then it is perhaps not so shameful of me to think and wonder how I keep at it. I am often asked — “How are you so disciplined and self-motivated?” “How do you keep writing alone?” “You work all by yourself? Don’t you get bored?” “How do you inspire yourself to get up every day and do the same thing from morning to night without anyone forcing you to?” “Your schedule and dedication is mind-blowing. How can we get it?”
I’m amazed by these questions. What motivation? I have to do it. That’s all. Tenacity? Dedication? I never thought of these things.
Much like, if you ask a farmer: Hey, how do you stay all day in the sun and rain? He would probably reply: What do you mean? I have to. There is land to be plowed, seeds to be sown, and water to be put in.
My answer was the same in the beginning, and it is even now, at least in my head. I’d say: I don’t know. I just have to do it. Now I am a little bit more aware of what others mean, and less stubborn. Of course I’m not motivated 24*7 all seasons of the year. Sometimes I lay low. I spend days reading. I watch a movie when there is work to get to, fast forwarding it so neither enjoying it nor working. I buy more vegetables than I need and put in hours cooking them. When on a day, I have to pack and travel and shift or go for a hike and I had planned to be at work by 3 and things keep happening, I happily flow with them, procrastinating.
They say those don’t count. You are still at it consistently.
Now I don’t reply with what I used to say earlier. I say: Hey. What works for me is knowing that I want to do this. I maintain a schedule, most days. Most days, I can’t. Because I am moving, shifting, hiking, sightseeing, cooking, running, unpacking, discovering, dealing, cleaning, etc. Then I make do with whatever schedule I can.
I naturally feel inspired, driven to do what I have to do. I don’t need anyone telling me: Priyanka I need this done today. Not even me. I don’t put out tight deadlines because they don’t work for me. They are bound to be overridden. But given enough time I put in everything to finish a piece of work.
I mean what else would I do if not write?
Doing nothing is good. I love doing nothing too. Like recently, at my parents’ home, I was doing nothing for five days. Just resting, sleeping, snoozing, eating, sitting, staring. But then I wanted to get back to it, I had to get back to it. Would I rather not write — write, cut, edit, delete, change, check grammar, spelling, edit, read, rewrite, read aloud, curse myself, curse the universe, cry, laugh, jump up and down — would I rather not write?
I would rather not write. I would rather hike all day in the mountains or sleep in a wooden cabin in a forest, build it with my own hands (or whatever it takes), grow vegetables and fruits, run around chasing squirrels, lay in the sunlight, hear the trees, cook the best food in the world, play with my partner, curl up with books all day long, meet friends, stare at the colors in everything, be with parents, but at the end of it all I would want to write about all of this.
Why exactly I want to write is not clear. Perhaps to share. Perhaps to prove I write well and to impress you. To make meaning out of my experiences. To note it all down to make it more real and to record it. To create a story and bring some order to this chaotic life. To connect the dots going backward.
Another one of my biggest motivators is fear: What if I get lost in the big wide world?
Whatever the reason I am glad I write. I am also not so glad that I write.
Some friends tell me they don’t want to be ambitious. Ambition makes your life hard. It makes you try harder, and it never leaves you alone. I agree.
My ambition is to have enough writing out in the world so that long after I’m gone, people can enjoy my words, thoughts, and ideas. Perhaps in a way to never die. My ambition is to entertain. To tell stories and give people a good time.
My inspiration is part ambition. To make something of myself, I write. The other part of my motivation is ingrained in me. I adore this beautiful breathtaking universe and want people to notice it more, to care for it, and to love it and thus love their lives within it. I believe everything about our journey here is wonderful and sublime, and I want everyone to feel that way too.
What also keeps me going is some inherent drive to do. I think that one of the best ways to grow as a human being is to excel professionally — to do one thing enough for so long that you become it and it becomes you, even if that one thing is to keep changing your interests. That our work, joy, leisure, friends, family, nature, and behavior are all connected. That how we do one thing is how we do everything.
If we don’t do, we would be like that pot the potter once started making but didn’t complete. Now it lay half-made, sluggish, and uncooked on the potter’s wheel. Soon he pulls it from the wheel and throws it away. Now it is lying there on the side on a mud pyramid, becoming mud again without really doing anything. While he could have gone on making it, given the wheel the infinite turns that it deserves and needs, taken it off the wheel, and then baked it and let it dry. The pot is ready to use. It has a shape, one can hold it, it can stay put on its own, it can be used, and now it is something — it serves for something.
The amazing thing is that we are the potter and we are the pot, rotating on the axis of life.
What keeps you going or what stops you?
For this week’s letter,
Some of my writing,
quotes I love,
things to read,
and
things to watch.
This is Why I Started Writing My 1st Book Journeys Beyond and Within…
In this post I talk about how I got the idea of writing a travel memoir while I was traveling with my partner in our car with all our stuff in it (now four years and counting).
Part of the story is similar to what I shared earlier in the newsletter Daring to Begin. Those of you who haven’t read that letter, read this post. And even those who read Daring to Begin will find new reviews of the book, photographs, and certain offers that might interest you :)
Read the story now. Or Pocket it for later.
Quotes I Love
"Books and doors are the same thing. You open them, and you go through into another world." – Jeanette Winterson
They tell me I should sell my brand, my lifestyle, my unconventional choices to everyone. I say, I don’t want to sell my brand or say, hey look how cool I am and how cool my life is you should live like this. My life has as many struggles as yours, or maybe more or perhaps less. I don’t want to say I tried many things you should try them too. I say, “Hey, I tried many different things you can try your own different things too.”
Life isn’t just this or that. It is what you make it. YOU and no one else.
Yours Truly
What I’ve Been Reading
I’ve been reading short stories, books, articles, and so much more. I can’t possibly list all what I have read in the past week so I’m putting down the things I found most relevant and worthwhile.
Some brilliant and bright reviews of Journeys Beyond and Within…
A deeply personal and heartwarming review of my book by Jenny: A Journey of Self-Discovery — I love this review by a fellow blogger and a thoughtful person so much that I have been wondering for weeks how to share it with everyone. This is a beautiful, detailed, thorough, honest, write-up that not only tells why the reader loved the book, but also why one should read Journeys Beyond and Within..., how it is so much more than a travel memoir, and what are the myriad ways in which travels helps us.
For any of you who are still considering whether to get the book or not, some of these screenshots I share here from the review might help decide. But you should read the whole review because it is so deeply personal and heartwarming.
Another review of the book on Pi Gamma, a pioneer philosophical journal in the UK, deserves to be shared. So honored!
The kind Thomas O. Scarborough, the editor of the journal, wrote, "In this book, Priyanka records her experiences, and reveals the secrets of how she was able to make this work at all. The details are all there. This is a “no holds barred” account of her life and thoughts as a traveller, and sometimes worker.
Describing herself as “an Indian woman”, I perhaps unfairly expected some of the shortcomings of Indian English. Rather I found quite the opposite. Priyanka has a supreme command of English, and the book is filled with many original turns of phrase."
Here’s the full review on Goodreads and in the attached screenshots.
There have been umpteen other reviews too, like this one on Telegraph India, but I will share them in the next letter.
Why Do We Work So Hard by Ryan Avent — A fabulous read on how our working culture has evolved over centuries, space, and income ranges, and how the meaning of work has shifted. The author talked about why in the modern world we prefer to or have to work long hours and how it is both a good and a bad thing. He argues that work is not only work, it’s one’s identity, community, and purpose.
“The dollars and hours pile up as we aim for a good life that always stays just out of reach. In moments of exhaustion we imagine simpler lives in smaller towns with more hours free for family and hobbies and ourselves. Perhaps we just live in a nightmarish arms race: if we were all to disarm, collectively, then we could all live a calmer, happier, more equal life.”
“It is a cognitive and emotional relief to immerse oneself in something all-consuming while other difficulties float by. The complexities of intellectual puzzles are nothing to those of emotional ones. Work is a wonderful refuge.”
Ryan was as baffled as me when he got the advice that work is the means to an end and life happens outside work. In turn, his parents were baffled by his desperation to find satisfaction in his work life, like my parents. Relatable in so many ways, and you will find this theme in my book too. For you too? [You need an Economist login to read. Not a subscription, just an account.]
4. Sanskrit Sahitya — As written on the website, here’s what Sanskrit Sahitya is aimed to be: “The mission of this site is to organize all available Sanskrit literature and associated information in a structured, easily navigable, and easily searchable form, and to be a comprehensive and delightful resource that's useful to students, teachers, and ultimately, lovers of Sanskrit Literature.”
Founded by Antariksh Bothale, an alumnus of IIT Bombay, Sanskrit Sahitya could keep our Sanskrit literature dust-free, and those of us looking for it happy.
There is already a lot of literature on the website, including Ramayana, Mahabharata, Geeta, and many more with their English translations. Dig in!
The costs of Reliance’s wildlife ambitions by M Rajshekhar [on Himal Southasian]— I’ve shared this report by Himal Southasian on how Reliance’s so-called animal shelter is really a huge personal wildlife collection but I’ll keep sharing it in the interim so that none of us forget how politics and money can ruin everything. Those of you who have read this, thank you. But I recommend everyone to read this thoroughly researched and eye-opening piece. Quite scary but the reality!
“Incidentally, as Anant’s [Anant Ambani, the founder of Vantara] plans have changed, so have India’s laws and regulations on wildlife. Until 2018, the country’s legislation on wildlife discouraged private ownership of endangered species. Over the last five years, however, both the union government in New Delhi, led by the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), as well as various state governments across the country – not to mention the courts – have weakened the earlier legal framework.”
“WE ASKED THEM this: Why set up a zoo in Jamnagar?” said an elephant-rights activist who visited Vantara. “The answer was that we control this land.”
While from around the world comes contradictory, and cheery, news: Paris to Replace Parking Spaces With Trees: I wrote a story in the book about visiting Paris in my early twenties (and how clueless I was). While writing the narrative I often thought of Paris as grassless. Perhaps not anymore?
Lastly this beautiful poem The Patience of Ordinary Things by the lovely Pat Schneider:
What I’ve Been Watching/Listening
that’s worth mentioning
I’ve been listening to the Out There podcast by Willow Belden for a few years now — I have shared this podcast before too. But recently as I was running (after a long break) in the city of Dehradun I tuned into Out There again and so it has been on my mind, and I’m sharing it here too. I couldn’t listen to the entire episodes on my runs. I need something more energetic while doing my rounds, and in Out There, the guest speakers narrating their outdoor adventures go deep into their experiences, often sharing their innermost thoughts calmly.
Nevertheless, I think it’s a good podcast to listen to: informative and deeply personal. It inspires me to get out there on wild adventures!
The much-talked-about 2023 Hindi movie Mrs. — I appreciate the theme of the movie — a bride being directly shoved into the kitchen of her husband’s house and never emerging from there. She was being pushed to become a wok or a pot (metaphorically): always putting out food and having no other identity or breathing space. I found the movie far too stretched: perhaps it was unbelievable for me but true. Also couldn’t understand why the woman never spoke until things got too far and let everyone believe she was okay with what was happening. The movie was sad and dragged on: one doesn’t need to see fifty cooking and serving scenes to get the point. Beyond this, I still find the film relevant, real, and relatable.
And for all adventure lovers!
a few photos from my recent adventures :-)
With my parents in IIT Delhi, my alma mater, from where I graduated in 2010 with a B.Tech in CS, a degree I don’t use now. My professor, who is also the head of the department now, had invited me to give a talk on my journey and the book to the students. What an honor! And — without any planning — my parents happened to be there in Delhi that day and attended my talk along with my brother. They both were really happy seeing me speak to students in my own CS building, with professors also attending the talk. What a day!
I was of course nervous, but when I started speaking, I forgot all the fear and just shared my story and even read many excerpts from the book. It went really well, and I sold many copies of the book too. My mother kissed me on the cheek, and my father said, “She spoke so good. Couldn’t have spoken better than this.” Maybe I can finally feel that my parents support my choices and my journey. Yay!
Finally made my way to Delhi’s Red Fort. When I lived in Delhi on campus and later for a year and a half worked in the city, I don’t think I ever went to the Red Fort. We don’t explore the place we live in but later it charms us. There is a very interesting story on this theme in my book. Ssshhh. Only those who read can know!
A burger in Hauz Khas, Delhi. Having a burger after ages and quite thrilled with the yellow on the table.
sweets made at the festivals of colors Holi in my hometown, in fact in all of North India. This one is called gunjiya. Though I didn’t spend Holi at home, as I had to go back to Delhi, my father made sure my partner and I brought a lot of sweets with us. Yay.
Just another outing with the book. If I will go out, why will the book stay at home?
Semal, or the red silk cotton tree. Its bloom has covered all of Delhi. You find these flowers above your head and under your feet. This is the tree in the feature image. At home, we eat the part below the flowers and we, very crudely, call it simbol. It’s a vegetable for us at home.
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Yours,
Priyanka