alone and together
traveling alone versus with my partner, joyful in Jaipur, my favorite articles, Gangsta Granny and other reads, and travel pictures
Dear Reader,
Thank you for being here.
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Since the last letter, which was two weeks earlier, a lot has happened. As I wrote in the previous issue, my partner S and I finally got out of my parents’ home. He took our car to his parents’ in Noida and flew to Coimbatore for his office meetup and outing. The remote company he works for has its employees spread around the world, and they all meet every six months or so to collaborate, talk, and have fun.
I boarded a train from Delhi and arrived in Jaipur. Though Jaipur is in the middle of Rajasthan, our Thar desert, you never feel so. The city was vibrant, bustling, and historically beautiful; there was great, spicy, garlicky food everywhere. I had reached late Saturday night, and mostly spent Sunday afternoon in bed. The Book conversation and signing event, for which I was in Jaipur really, wasn’t until five in the evening.
The event was a beautiful conversation with some lovely folks at The White Crow Books and Coffee; they are also in Mumbai. Not only did the group who meets for an open mic event — and sings, recites poetry, share stories — did all of this and more, but fortunately they also eagerly listened to my story from engineering to writing, asked questions about my new travel memoir and 1st book Journeys Beyond and Within..., and took home signed copies.
I told them how courageous they were to be speaking so honestly before a room full of at least forty people. And they asked me was I not scared while quitting my banking job and picking up writing, why did I do it when I have a degree in Computer Science from IIT (a prestigious engineering institute of India), was it hard to travel solo, how did my family react, how do I make living as a writer, which are my favorite parts of the world, what's my final goal (this one surprised me), why did I go to Munnar alone of all places about 11 years ago (a beautiful mountain town in Kerala, mostly a honeymoon destination back then, some might even say now), and so on.
I answered as honestly as I could. “And if you want to know it all,” I said, “You will have to read my book.” Sharing some limited photos from the event, which don't show everyone, but it doesn't matter; they were there and that's more important.
Much thanks to all those who smiled as I spoke, were on the edge of their seat, listening, and asked me to sign their copies.
Signed copies of Journeys Beyond and Within... are at The White Crow Jaipur, my book is available in bookstores around India, and also on Amazon around the world in ebook, paperback, and hardcover. All Amazon links here, or search for the title on your Amazon.
You can also order the travel memoir from the online store of Pune’s Pagdandi book shop and cafe. They deliver pan India! If you are planning to get the book and don’t have time to head to a store, order your copy from Pagdandi and support an independent bookshop on the way.
There’s also The Midland store in Delhi that delivers online pan-India and around the world too. Check out my book on their online store.
Chose the one which works for you the best :)
If you can’t find a copy at your favorite bookshop, let me know. I’ll make sure it reaches there :)
I loved being on my own after a while. S and I have been on the road together for 4.5 years now, and when we were in our car, we only got our solo time when one of us went home or he went away for work. So a lone trip for me has come after a while.
I was in Jaipur alone for six days. I stayed in one hotel for four nights and shifted into a homestay for another two. I walked everywhere, though it was raining, discovered local delicacies I hadn’t eaten before though I have been to Jaipur at least three times, explored Hawa Mahal (literally the Palace of Air) and City Palace (where the royal family still lives), bought mangoes from hawkers, met an old college friend, strolled into book shops, and watched the night sky, listening to peacocks holler from their favorite spots on the trees.
Visiting the Hawa Mahal and City Palace alone was fun. I dawdled towards both places, stopping on the way whenever I liked. I took as much time as I needed, without thinking about what I needed to see next. Though S is a slow traveler as well, and not a greedy one, he can get a bit bothered by too many distractions before reaching the main destination.
Rather than sharing my observations or listening to his, I saw everything quietly, having more mental space for my surroundings. People say they don’t like to travel by themselves because they want to share the experience with someone. “I mean whom do I tell how beautiful this chandelier is or how well-designed and marvelous is the Hawa Mahal?” Readers tell me when they want to travel by themselves but hesitate.
At times, I also like to share what I feel, see, or what moves me. But as the travel was limited to a few days, rather than feeling alone, I focused on enjoying. There was so much to see and appreciate. Maybe that I write also empowers me to be alone. I can always come back and share my experiences here in words.
City Palace was grand, with huge walls, vast compounds, old paintings, clothes, cars, and modes of transport to see. Also, a lot was restricted and was available at a higher ticket price. I wouldn’t want to pay five grand to see part of a royal’s home that they have opened to the public. I have seen my fair share of palaces.
Hawa Mahal enthralled me. Its outer paintings were being retouched. I didn’t expect the inside to be so grand, well-planned, and beautiful. Every wall and window was designed with this idea that the women inside — the palace was made for the royal queen and her team — could see outside and stay ventilated. Each surface had small holes, mirrors, or little doors to look out and let air come in. Here are some photos that might do justice to this 225-year-old palace.
I roamed around the palace, admiring it slowly, almost stunned by it, taking pictures, and imagining myself as the queen who would have lived there, relishing its facilities and features. When it rained, I went up to the top of the Hawa Mahal and found the green city of Jaipur going about its business. Parrots and peacocks rule there.
Stopping by to eat alone was perhaps awkward the first day when I skipped lunch to go to the event directly. I thought, Who would stop on the way to eat alone. I was also recovering from just having left my parents’ home and having left it in a mental state about which I talked in the last letter. But right after the signing, I decided to go to this cafe whose ramen I had gulped down the previous night. I had arrived at my hotel at 11 pm, hungry, and had ordered a bowl of tofu ramen. It had been delicious, fragrant, and exactly what I needed. I walked to this ramen heaven, grabbed myself a table for one, ordered a mocktail and a mushroom burger.
Unlike decades ago when I traveled solo for the first few times and was sure that everyone was looking at me, this time I could enjoy my orangy drink, was quietly by myself, and relished the burger, which was smaller than expected. Have they given the fries with the burger or the burger with the fries? I thought, picking up from the heap of fries.
I had every breakfast and meal alone. Whenever I stumbled into a place that served a local dish I wanted to try, I would stop. If there was something special I wanted to eat, I put on Google Maps and walked to it. Simple.
Only on my first night in the homestay, where my room was on the open terrace, it was the only one occupied amongst the four in that building, where someone stayed downstairs but I didn’t know who, plants and trees stood tall all around me, and the terrace seemed easily accessible from everywhere, I didn’t sleep well. The latch on the inside wasn’t strong enough; otherwise, I wouldn’t have cared. I pushed a table against the door so that if someone tried to open it, I would wake up with the sound.
By the next night I knew better. I had gotten an idea that a family, or at least an old man, stayed downstairs, probably part of the host’s family who stayed across the road and hadn’t cared to explain to me the situation or to show me around. I had learned there was a dog downstairs who barked ferociously. There were cameras, and none of the houses around seemed to have any lurkers looking to break into a traveler’s room.
It’s strange that I worried at all. I’m not usually the one to fear. I have stayed alone in homes for years. I think it was the rickety latch and the fact that I was alone after a while that made me jittery. I slept like a baby the next night.
Even getting up was fun. I woke up earlier to take things slow, packed my bags without also worrying about whether S was packing his, or accommodating his laundry, or you know, just coordinating with him. I spread on the whole bed, left the curtains open to the trees like I like, didn’t close the bathroom door while inside, and got ready on time without thinking if S was ready, and booked a cab and rushed to the airport. The water bottle to be filled and the keys to be handed to the staff were things I had to do and not discuss.
If we were together, S would have insisted we leave earlier. He likes to keep a two-hour buffer before domestic flights. I was at the airport one and a half hours earlier and wondered: why have I come so early?
I enjoyed traveling alone, like I always have. More people spoke with me, there was no one to argue with, and more autonomy. I noticed that I was also looking forward to seeing S and was planning our next adventure. The things he takes care of, and now I had to do — booking a rickshaw or cab, getting the food delivery, going down to fill water bottles — were extra things to do but I didn’t mind them as such. Not in those few days at least. With him, I would have slept peacefully, rather than fretting if someone might break in.
The pros and cons of being with someone aren’t measurable, of course. But it’s a privilege to be able to have this contrasting view and compare my experiences in his presence or without. This comparison lets me appreciate our relationship more and allows me to feel more deeply how it is to be alone and in company.
When I booked my flight from Jaipur to Mangalore, I looked at S’s ticket from Coimbatore to Mangalore. Both of us had a connecting flight, breaking at Bangalore airport. I noticed that I chose the itinerary whose second flight, that is from Bangalore to Mangalore, was the same as S’s. Later, I also found myself rushing to the checkin counter at Bangalore airport, requesting the kind attendant to give me a middle seat in tenth row. S hadn’t remembered his seat number but told me he was in row ten. He didn’t know that we were on the same flight.
The attendant asked me, “Why do you want a middle seat?”
“Because I want to surprise a friend.” (I think of S first as a friend and then a partner or husband.)
I also found myself asking specifically about S’s seat number and gushed to request her to please have me seated next to him.
So that’s that!
I have many stories to tell from Mangalore, a coastal city in the South, where I flew from Jaipur and S flew in from Coimbatore. As the letter is getting long, I’m saving those tales for the next time. I think you will hear from me the coming Sunday too; these adventures can’t wait longer.
Do you prefer to travel alone or in company?
For this week’s letter,
Some of my past writing,
quotes I love,
things to read,
and
things to watch.
Thinking of a Career Change at 30? I Quit My Job, Too
One of the most popular piece on the blog, and my favorite too.
A software engineer by education, I was once a coder and an investment banker, but now I write full-time.
In this honest, and may I say sometimes hilarious, essay I talk about my career explorations that lasted for six long years, the many times I quit my job and all the other things I tried, including working in a restaurant, and how I finally decided upon writing and went for it right when I turned 30.
This is a true account of my struggles, confusion, and my family’s jaw-dropping surprise at my choices.
Read the personal essay now. Or Pocket it for later.
Amazing Karnataka – From Ten Years of Travel
Because I am here in Karnataka, and the beauty, culture, and food of this state has again overwhelmed me, I’ve to share this article. I have spent six years (if not more) in Karnataka, spanning over a decade. I wrote this piece before I finally moved out of the state (for the unempteenth time) to be on the road. You will find everything I know about Karnataka and its places in here.
Enjoy and let me know if you have any questions planning your trip.
Get to my Karnataka Travel Guide now. Or Pocket it for the next weekend.
Quotes I Love
Reality always outstrips fiction. Whatever you make up, something more incredible always pops up in real life.
David Williams, the brilliant author of Gangsta Granny
When I am not attached to the outcome, I am at peace. I will choose peace over everything else.
Yours Truly
What I’ve Been Reading
I’ve been reading short stories, books, articles, and so much more. I can’t possibly list all what I have read in the past week so I’m putting down the things I found most relevant and worthwhile.
1. Life Lessons on Swiss Waters by Chaitali Patel — A beautiful, lovely piece which despite being a short story carries all the precious lessons of traveling. Not just the lessons but the fun and frolic a new place offers us.
2. A beautiful story of a beautiful book store in Calcutta — If you are in the city, go check out Earthcare :)
3. My mother, the family’s memory-keeper by Sandip Roy — What a delicious piece, evoking many memories of my home and comforting me that it's good I've been writing about my mother and her cooking. There is a lot more to write though :)
4. Gangsta Granny by David Williams — I’ve a few books with me that I picked up from the donation section of the beautiful Chapters Book shop in Gurgaon (in North India) months ago. Now, without our car, and with a backpack and laptop bag on me, I plan to leave them on the way. These are all children’s books that were perhaps donated after the end of the school year.
I’ve enjoyed Gangsta Granny so much that I’m finding it hard to leave this book. But I will. It’s a simple story of a grandmother who wants her grandson’s attention and a grandchild who wants a fun granny. Both will have their wishes fulfilled, but they also need to start appreciating each other now before it gets too late. An adventure-filled story that reminds me to never underestimate anyone.
As always, a good children’s book never disappoints. And this one didn’t. It was fun and made me laugh and cry at the same time.
What I’ve Been Watching/Listening
that’s worth mentioning
As I have been out and about traveling, I have only seen the world outside. I just watched a few episodes of Big Bang Theory, one of my favorite series, on a stressful day. It made me laugh uncontrollably, as always. All characters are brilliant, but Sheldon is my favorite :)
And for all adventure lovers!
As I have shared many travel photos above, leaving you with just one :)
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Thank you for reading! I hope you have a rainy, breezy, and fun week ahead.
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Yours,
Priyanka
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Good one! Lovely pics too. Pls do share the coordinates of the "homestay with terrace". Would like to stay there. My daughter is in Delhi, so can jump to Jaipur whenever I visit her next. Your article rekindled the urge to revisit Jaipur, slowly this time. The last time, it was a quick 3day trip. One thing I learnt from that trip is that local roadside eateries make better kachori than the hyped joints in that touristy lane (I forget the name). Our cab driver stopped at a place on the way to the hotel which served fab pyaaz kachoris