5 years of On My Canvas
change, mistakes, boredom, being silly, judgment, courage, Virginia Woolf, Pondicherry, and paths.
Hello my dear reader,
Thank you for joining me. I hope you are done with the last week and this Monday has started well for you.
My blog On My Canvas just completed five years. I want to thank you all for coming along on this journey with me and supporting me always. I have shared the post on the completion of five years below, and in it I have opened up about how it is to decide to become a writer and embark on the journey. Hope you enjoy reading the update as I loved writing it.
Now.
As it is already Monday for everyone, I want to give some energy for the week. I have five things today,
Change is hard. Even though we might want to always appear as versatile, flexible, and bustling; we love pretending we don’t feel the current flowing in the other direction; but as a human being we can’t help but notice the change. I have realized that rather than fighting out my human nature, trying to prove myself and everyone around me that everything is absolutely easy, I am the queen of it all, and I have done it a hundred times before, if I accept I am a little ruffled by the oncoming change, I become calm, realign faster, and even look forward to the change as something new, rather than hushing it under the table. After all, we shouldn’t be ashamed of the changes as even the littlest of them are carrying us forward.
Giving the tiny stirrings of emotions a name help us deal with them and refer to them internally, as, “oh that thing I have to think in the evening” rather than feeling guilty about feeling that way in the first place. “Asking ‘what’ rather than “why” is a faster and easier way to move forward” (I read somewhere).
I don’t know who said we shouldn’t make the same mistake again. I make the same mistake over and over again. What changes is the awareness, the familiarity, the sinking feeling that starts seeping in as soon as I have committed the error. Something in me says, “I have been here before. This, I know. Oh what the hell, I have done it again.” Now I have two options. Either I bury myself under the remorse, not so much for the error, but for repeating the blunder (how stupid I must be to agonize over the dirty pan for the 100th time), or I use the past experiences as a ladder to rise out of the well faster, more gracefully, and if not a smile, probably with less tear patches on my face. Even if to fall all the way under all over again. It might not appear so, but we are making progress.
Rather than being bored, we can choose to have fun anytime we like. To rejuvenate myself, I walk around, drink lemon juice, sit on my partner’s head, wash my face, go to the park/forest, think of something amusing, leave voice messages to friends telling them how they have to fulfill my expectations, dream about dinner, pick up a book, shuffle between to-dos, and today I started watching a movie I have shared below. Even after one or a few of these amusements, I go back to the task of the day much more thrilled than before. But I don’t always do these things to get back to productivity. I do them because I enjoy them. If the course of my day is smooth and in accordance with my wellbeing, for sure I will be maneuvered toward my creative work naturally. And many times I have to make myself sit even if I don’t want to and then these refreshments are all the more priceless. Each one of us should find out what pulls us out of the dull moments and fit those deviations in our day as per how much our schedule allows. And those will be our little secrets and they can be as ridiculous as we want them to be.
I find it hard to be honest about how much I can achieve in a day. My expectations of myself are so wrong that sometimes I miss the mark by a few days. So rather than chiding myself for calculating the timelines wrong, again, I continue coming up with impractical expectations and don’t care when I am not finished. I pick up from where I left the next day. Growing up isn’t that easy, after all. And do we have to make it even harder by being upset with ourselves? No. Never.
What are you not being honest about with yourself?
For this week’s letter,
Some of my writing,
quotes I love,
things to read,
things to watch,
and
travel tips.
Articles From the Week
5 Years of On My Canvas
If I have learned one thing in these five years, it is that the joy of creating should be enough. When we work hard and persist, we arrive at the goal, destination, or prize we have our eyes on. The much-planned trips happen, articles get published, and ideas materialize. Whatever we start, gets over, and we are left to chase, manifest, and learn new things. Throughout the journey, the only thing we can rely on is the process itself. The hoisting of the flag on the summit might take a moment, but the tiny baby steps are ours to savor forever and ever again.
You can read the rest about my five-year writing journey including the five lessons I have learned in the update now. Or Pocket for later.
You Judge Me. I Judge You. And Then What?
After writing this piece on why we judge, how it harms us, and what can we do to realign our thoughts, I find myself liberated from the internal monologue of judgment to a large extent. Hope the essay helps you reduce the judgment baggage, too.
Get to the article now. Or Pocket it for later.
Quotes I Love
“The great malady of the twentieth century, implicated in all of our troubles and affecting us individually and socially is ‘loss of soul.’ When soul is neglected, it doesn’t just go away; it appears symptomatically in obsessions, addictions, violence and loss of meaning.” — Thomas Moore, Care of the Soul
"There is in every person an inward sea, and in that sea there is an island and on that island there is an altar and standing guard before that altar is the 'angel with the flaming sword.' Nothing can get by that angel to be placed upon that altar unless it has the mark of your inner authority. Nothing passes “the angel with the flaming sword” to be placed upon your altar unless it be a part of 'the fluid area of your consent.' This is your crucial link with the Eternal." — Howard Thurman
“It takes courage to quieten the ego.” — Yours Truly
What I’ve Been Reading
I’ve been reading short stories, books, articles, and so much more. I can’t possibly list all what I have read in the past week so I’m putting down the things I found most relevant and worthwhile.
Beautiful reads from the week,
Moments of Being by Virginia Woolf — This collection of Woolf’s writings, mostly autobiographical, takes us through the ordinary life of one of the most extraordinary observers and writers that the world has witnessed. Though Woolf’s writings always need focus and attention, this collection is ever so light on the mind because of its depth and trueness, both of which are her trademarks. I am diving in to make sense of my own experiences with the people around me in my life and what I feel on a daily basis.
I am still reading two books from the past week (which I shared in the last newsletter as well),
Indian Literature 1957- 2007 Volume 1 Book 1 Edited by Nirmal Kanti Bhattacharjee and A.J. Thomas — Honest, undiscoverable, and pleasurable stories, poems, and essays of writers from around India.
Memoirs of Pablo Neruda — The memoirs show what it was to be Pablo Neruda, how he grew up, what stirred his mind, and how he started writing poems. Along with Neruda, the reader also gets to go around the world spreading the message of peace, friendship, and love. I recommend especially to all writers.
What I’ve Been Watching/Listening
that’s worth mentioning
I have only seen the movie the Wedding Season this week. Though the movie might seem a bit too idealist to be true, I enjoyed seeing the cool, driven, and compassionate characters sending off the lesson that we should let our love be more than the fear. I also have an article on staying unmarried in India that resonate with the film.
And for all my Wanderlusters.
Sharing some pictures from Auroville, Pondicherry, and Himalayas.
with friends on the roads of Pondicherry. This was last year when a friend came all the way from Punjab to see me.
I have shared the photo of this street vendor before. But when I made a purchase from her and asked for a photo of her, she started laughing and I like looking at this picture so here it is again
Pondicherry fish market. The colors are intoxicating. Again, I have shared a few photographs from this market before, too, but I can’t get enough.
I get overwhelmed when I see the Himalayas. What comes to your mind when you look at them?
a path in Auroville I have walked upon probably a few thousand times
Thank you for reading.
I hope you have a courageous week. Take good care of yourselves :)
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Yours,
Priyanka
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I really enjoyed reading this. Point no5 especially. 3 years ago i wrote you about my fears of solo travel. You encouraged me to go for it. I learned to trust myself and grew from the experience. Thanks